story so far.......

Here's a small recap of what has happened so far..........

It's actually nobody's birthday but the ones with birhtdays in February are throwing a party to their friends. Party is thrown by AbsD, Nikhar, ShubBHU (Oh... did i just write that?? Gosh... he'll be getting really angry... Just like those Girls in chinese cartoons on Animax... ) and Sameer (whtvr.. he's not much of a star material... neither is Nikhar..)... With them is a Parsi couple which is strictly unusual and above all BORING. They actually were cousins! They have a widowed maid and etc etc...

So these are the two diverse groups who are going away from the City to Alibaug in a bid to celebrate Birthdays and to infuse a little love in the painful, boring marriage.

A day later, Nikhar finds himself lying on a boat alongside a dead Shray Desai. Now he has no clues regarding, what on earth must have happened the other night? He seems to have lost his memory... so we try to find out how shray died and most importantly what happened on the fateful journey to Alibaug.

But on the journey to Alibaug several things had happened.

Pranav has got his eyes on a beautiful lady who has been missing after that. Rohan has missed the bus and is travelling alone in the next bus and is sitting beside a beautiful female.

For more details, read the previous posts (IT's a difficult task I know, considering that the design of my Blog is simply Awful...hahaha.. )

So, round 2 of Alibaug story is coming your way... read it while you are going through the boring exam phase....

I am sure... ;)  that I'm not at all late.

a rare gem: The Blue Umbrella

So, as the movie starts, you see an entire land covered with snow and amidst the misty fog, a small girl circling under a mysteriously enchanting umbrella. The starting credits say it’s a classic. These are not the movies that you get to see in abundance, these are treasures kept only for the worthy and the ones who really wish to have it. The Blue Umbrella is in a true sense a classic movie.

Movie is pure, bed-time story-like. It requires masterful handling as a director. All of the sets, situations, places, people’s dresses and the objects need to convey a sense of subtleness of a short-story straight out of a novel. It’s like you are reading it.

It also requires masterful characterization. Vishal Bharadwaj for once puts too much emphasis in Pankaj Kapur’s character that it almost seems that other characters didn’t get what they should have. Blue Umbrella also as an enchanting object doesn’t really have much of its own. Surely, blue umbrella’s beholder, the little Biniya (VB’s daughter) and the envious shopkeeper (Pankaj Kapur) do get a fair deal.

But there are little wonders which are hidden inside both these characters. For an instance, the bartering habit of the Mr.Khatri, his relationship with his folly- the little Ramlal and the part when that little kid suggests Khatri to steal the Blue Umbrella and Khatri’s denial are just wonderful. So is the spunky Biniya- the one who trades her taaveez for an enchanting Chinese umbrella. And it’s all about the umbrella and the emotions attached to that petty thing. It’s a sweet, simple story which gets the kind of treatment it requires.

Blue Umbrella becomes a classic because of Pankaj Kapur. If there are actors in India who are worthy enough to create a classic, then Pankaj Kapur will surely head the list. His rendition of Khatri is so beautiful that you want to see him as much as possible. But in the end it’s the story and the way it has been handled by the director that takes your breath away. Vishal Bharadwaj does a fantastic job to put an honest, sweet story in front of the audience. Talking of technical aspects, the movie is a delight to watch. Screenplay is brilliant. Flow of the movie is very lucid.

On the whole, Blue Umbrella is a small, sweet story, sublime in a way and will have its own place in the hearts of the one who seek it.

Episode 12: The Curious Case Of Pranav Kulshreshtha!

So he went to the seat where Pranav was sitting but while he was going there Abbas warned him not to as Pranav was not talking to anybody.

But as the author had said just like a bad habit the thought of the two missing people though negated by Namrata and Sameer’s appearance which had resurfaced again when Sameer mentioned seeing Uday had caught Nikhar’s mind in a whirlwind. So instead of asking things like what happened to you etc etc, Nikhar asked Pranav,”Hey…Body! Umm…Did you by any chance see Uday on the deck below?”

“Pagla gaya hai kya?” asked Pranav in sheer frustration.

“But what then took you so long down there?” asked Nikhar.

“I was carried away by a beautiful woman. I thought when we met our eyes there was something about her. So I approached her, she was wearing sunglasses and an aqua-blue dress which was quite revealing… and I used the line, You can remove your sunglasses…because I think a pretty face will definitely have pretty eyes… And then she removed those glasses…”

“And then?” asked Nikhar.

Pranav was about to say something when he saw the excitement on Nikhar’s face so he folded his words and said, “Nothing! It’s just… that I saw something which I shouldn’t have.”

In the mean term Shray who had overheard this pulled Nikhar close to him and said, “Chill dude! I have searched the deck below. Uday wasn’t there. And that lady was hot! But Body wasn’t there then. He was over the railings of the boat watching the sea. So, nothing spectacular has happened. Now stop fucking with your head.”

So, like a little kid who walks in disappointment after being promised of a large ice-cream but then not getting it, Nikhar walked back to his seat and as he sat Ketaki came there to flaunt her new sunglasses.

“Hey…look at this! Looks nice naa?” spoke Ketaki in excitement showing her newly bought sunglasses to Nikhar.

“Hmm…aren’t they too big for your face!?” asked Nikhar covering his dislike in a polite question.

“Yeah.. I mean they are… a little bit. But they are the in-thing and anyways I’m gonna use it for a month or two.” said Ketaki.

“Huh? I don’t understand this. Why would you use such a costly thing for a month only?” asked Nikhar.

“Arrey… I bought it from a local bazaar in Andheri… I bought them for 100 bucks.” Said Ketaki. Thus, revelation of the amount let Nikhar pour out his outburst, “Then…It’s much safer to say that I HATE YOUR SUNGLASSES, and your face looks even tinier in it.”

That…pissed Ketaki off! And thus, she joined the girls behind…while Nikhar sat with the khujlikhor-Hardik who was singing some old melodies...which in-turn pissed Nikhar! So he flashed a grin to Hardik, took out his earphones and listened to THE SWAGGA BY GORILLAZ…woo! (Music plays and in the mean-term the singer shouts Woo! Woo! Woo!) the song changes to RHINOSTONE EYES BY GORILLAZ (where the singer speaks about scary gargoyles on the towers!) And so on went the creepy songs in his playlist as finally they reached the Auto rickshaw-stand which was the final stop to a small bus journey.

Shubhankit lead the group getting off the bus followed closely by Vaibhav-Babba and rest of the others. It was a big circular Auto-rickshaw stand with Maharashtrian drivers sitting inside their rickshaws and listening to radio blabber some Marathi songs. Meanwhile, Shray Desai gathered everybody as Abbas addressed the 24 people. “Okay folks! What we as in I, Arpit, Shubhankit and Nikhar have planned is to go to a private beach-Kashid which is just a few minutes away from here…there we’ll get to do adventure sports. And yeah it’s a white sand beach so we’ll love it there, what say?”

“What? Wait a minute! We’re here for Alibag trip and we are not going to Alibag?” asked Satya from the group, which Nikhar thought was a valid question.

“Hehe.. Actually we aren’t going to Alibag. Anyways the Alibag beach is a little dirty, while that Kashid-beach is quite nice.” Said Abbas.

“Have you seen that beach before?” asked Vaibhav.

“No. Onkar has. Onkar says it’s better than Alibag beach.” Abbas said.

“Perfect!” said Satya sarcastically. 

Episode 11: Of unexpected Hits & Misses

So, as they reached the coast of Mandava-the docking point of catamarans from where the passengers would be taken through the Alibag village by Buses, everyone was smiling and pretending to have a whale of time when they were not. (Everyone wanted to board on the first ferry back to Gateway of India but they carried on).

Two blue buses awaited Nikhar and his group. While they were getting off the catamaran, Shray head-counted the members of his group and to his surprise he counted one less as Pranav Kulshreshtha the handsome looking boy was missing.

“Guys…Has anybody seen Body?” asked Shray Desai and like innocent little kids the girls and Shubhankit said No and the always informative Rohan Patel- the irritating guy said that Pranav had gone down to the lower deck.

“Why did he go downstairs?” asked Shray.

“How would I know? Ask him. He was with him all the while.” Said Rohan pointing towards Pranay.

“Arrey…while we were taking the stairs… Body saw a beautiful dame sitting on the lower deck in the corner… And trust me she was hot! So, Body was thinking about her when he came upstairs, but then he said that he saw that lady doing something awkward… so he went downstairs.” said Pranay.

“Chal then… let’s check inside!” said Shray as they checked Catamaran’s lower deck to no avail.

By that time rest all had moved far away from these boys and stood outside the bus. Standing beside the bus Abbas Dawood- the Harry Potter fan (the geek) waved to Shray to come towards the bus quickly. At that time Shray wished that he had a walkie-talkie but as he didn’t he had to call Abbas and say, “Dude… Body’s missing!” 

“Arrey…he’s sitting inside bus. But you guys better hurry up the Bus is getting full and leaving in a minute… so el fuckers… move your asses from there and come towards the bus.”

So they ran. Pranay, Shray, Rohan and Nikhar. 

But if Rohan was a slow walker, how on this earth can he run? So technically, Pranay, Shray and Nikhar ran and Rohan jogged. While running Nikhar could see the Bus’s engine roaring up and inside the bus Abbas trying to argue out with the driver to stop the bus for a minute more so that his friends could join them. The bus picked up some speed and moved slightly as Pranay first, Nikhar second and a panting Shray (who while running heard Rohan trying to negotiate with him not to run fast and that he and Shray can board on the next bus) caught the bus on the move.

After breathing heavily for a while, when Shray caught a bit of breath he spoke,”Okay…out of the 25...we missed Rohan behind.” And there was not a degree of remorse, though he may have pretended not to hear Rohan Patel but the fact is he didn’t want to be in a bus alone with Rohan. Perhaps, Shray never talked this to anybody, but he hated Rohan. It’s like… their wavelengths didn’t meet.

So, Rohan was left there on the Mandava beach alone! But then Abbas called him up and asked him to board the second bus.

All that while entering into the bus, finding himself a place Rohan thought of choking Shray… Why on earth, did he not stop?

But then... there are also advantages of being alone as a beautiful lady entered the bus and sat on the same seat as Rohan’s.

She was wearing a hat, an aqua-blue dress which was quite revealing, big sunglasses and well… her face was covered in a towel that she wrapped around her face to protect her skin.

After heaving a sigh of relief (though he was still in a state of disbelief.. wow! How on earth can I be so lucky, he thought), he brought himself to some words, “Must say…you can take off your sunglasses now!”

And the bus zoomed in towards Alibag the village as Rohan secretly thanked God, oh sorry… Shray-the man popular amongst girls!

Meanwhile Ketaki showed-off her new sunglasses inside the other bus which was devoid of Rohan. But Nikhar was more interested in knowing what had Pranav been upto. 

Episode 10: That Mousieee!!!! He can't be here!

“That mousie… he can’t be here. Do you know how he behaved today in the morning? He pretended to be asleep and intentionally slept in the front-room so that everybody would ask him whether he’s coming or not and when nobody asked… he himself got up and announced that he was not coming” said Rohan. But Nikhar noticed that even after saying that he wasn’t sure.

So as he was contemplating the idea of having a look below to make sure there wasn't something fishy about those visions that Sameer was having, Ketaki came from behind and grabbed his hand and took him to the Parsi couple. “Marian…this is my friend Nikhar and Nikhar the beautiful lady over here is Marian Sethna and that is her husband Mr. Farooq.”

Marian and Nikhar exchanged pleasantries but Farooq didn’t bother to even look at him as he was busy gazing at the huge oil rigs. “You know what aunty? Nikhar writes so well…” exclaimed Ketaki and before she could speak any further, Farooq cut her halfway by saying, ”Even I can write well…my handwriting is the best in the entire Valkeshwar.”

On which Marian replied by saying,”Oh..Farooq! Gadheda! She means writing as in writing stories and poems etc…so Nikhar… how did you develop this hobby?”

I… as Nikhar began his sentence he was also cut midway by Farooq,”Ah… so you must have spent nights sitting below trees and gazing at sky…HUH? All this writing, singing and all that are hobbies of losers. The real thing is Engineering.”

As he finished Nikhar was not in a mood to listen to more of those-artists being losers talk so he looked at Marian and said, “Perhaps your husband knows a thing or two about writing. Thus me talking about it would be inappropriate. So I’ll take a leave Madam. Nice meeting you.”

And the coast was visible then. The beach where the things were too get messy was in sight of the Catamaran and it was time to leave the beautiful Shahjahan, thus in the haste the mysterious visions of Sameer seeing Uday remained a mystery as while getting down to the lower deck, Nikhar asked Sameer,”Oye…tite…Are you sure? Was he really there?”

His gesture was enough to suggest that he was sure about it as he yet again punched the railings of the boat exclaiming,”Bhen de tite… Why would I lie?”

Episode 9: 48 out of 50!

Although it was a group, it was more of a composition of many subgroups. Some of them mixed well between them while the others were friends just for the sake of it. So once the catamaran gathered speed and moved towards their destination, all the subgroups isolated and headed their private discussions.

While Nikhar and Nitesh Kumar Sharma were in a heated argument so as to who should be a part of the Indian cricket team, Shray Desai was busy coordinating things. Aditya had found himself a place by then away from everybody to smoke and enjoyed a private view of the forlorn and lonely sea. The girls Richika and Deepali indulged themselves in fashion chattering as Satya and Vaibhav kept on passing chips to each other, all the time while Satya kept on complaining about seating on the boat and the other passengers downstairs.

All this while Rewat kept on clicking some random photographs and Shubhankit tried his best to join in some conversation or the other but the sheer details that he used to possess regarding each topic (mind you he had a towering knowledge of everything… He was like Google to rest of the people in the group) was too much for a dickhead crowd like this, so they kept on ignoring him. So just to save the picture of this isolated group, Pranay took his guitar out of the big case and started playing some hummable tunes.

It was pleasant to see a singer-guitarist sitting in the middle of the upper deck and playing melodies that were raw, floating as briskly as the water did under the ship and the voice of that man as soft as the touch of the ship on the forlorn sea. And on those tunes a girl and a boy drifted like aimless men trundling after losing sight of what’s real and what’s not. The girl was Ketaki and the boy was Pranav.

Ketaki as usual was in high spirits and chatted with every damn possible person on the ship and synchronizing with the tune she drifted from one group to another. And she finally drifted far away where a Parsi couple was sitting. At the same time Pranav’s eyes had caught something beautiful. He too drifted away like the wind over that forlorn sea towards that beautiful thing- his mirage.

As Pranav went downstairs in search of his mirage, Nikhar observed everybody.

Just like a bad habit which takes a while to get away, the words of the coordinator remained etched in his mind. He kept on thinking about those two missing persons on the upper deck. And then suddenly he thought that those two may not have missed the catamaran. May be they chose to sit on the lower deck. He thought to check out the lower deck but that day it was even more crowded than a second class compartment of Churchgate-slow locals. So he let it be.

The real question was who was not on the upper deck?

Ah…why didn’t it strike to him earlier?

Where were Sameer Tayal and Namrata Panwar all this while?

Okay… so perhaps the author of this blog has forgotten to introduce you to the cheerful tomboy and the over-caring brother…

He realized that from his group only those two were missing. So he first asked the coordinator-Shray Desai whether they were on the boat or not. And on being asked a query, Shray answered with enthusiasm of an officer sitting at government office’s enquiry counter that he had led them safely into the boat and they were the last to enter but then somebody upstairs (he searched his mind for a while to think and said may be Abbas) cried for chairs, so he had to rush upstairs. After than what happened, he didn’t know. So Nikhar suggested the coordinator (Shray) and Abbas who he thought had something for Namrata (By something I mean feelings! Don’t get me wrong here!).

But before they could go down, up came those two- Namrata and her brother Sameer.

Perhaps out of the lot, Sameer had many noticeable peculiarities than anybody else. He had a migraine problem and his head was like a switch, if pushed it on, then god helps you. That is if suppose somebody touched his head, he would shout at that person like Sunny Deol does in Gadar-Ek prem katha. He also had this acutely frustrating habit of punching things just for fun. Now those things ranged from Walls and benches to doors and every damn thing made of steel and wood. He spoke Bahen de tite- A Punjabi slang quite too often. Perhaps being a neighbor to him at a previous hostel where all these boys used to stay together, Nikhar knew many more peculiarities about him like his flapping (sound-making) slippers, his farting only in neighbor’s room and most astonishing of all his pretence of hearing music i.e. he used to plug in earphones not to hear music but to protect himself from the surround sound!

And her sister was an interesting character as well. By the way… when the author of the blog said he was Namrata’s brother then it didn’t actually mean that he was his REAL brother. It was another one of his peculiarities. He liked making sisters. But Namrata too liked to make friends especially boys. Namrata was the badminton champ of their college. Her walk resembled that of Sanjay Dutt’s. She liked listening to Avril Lavigne and did her very best to impersonate her. She was too brittle to accept anything other than what she believed was true and currently she wanted to sing and play guitar but it was too difficult to make her believe that her voice was as husky as that of Udit Narayan’s.

As Nikhar asked what were they doing downstairs, Namrata replied by saying that Sameer was hit on head by somebody so he got into a quarrel with a person below. All that while Sameer kept on punching a wooden railing. But something that she said afterwards remained etched in Nikhar’s mind for an even longer while. She said that after being hit on head Sameer had started seeing things.

“What things, Nammy?” asked Nikhar.

“Arrey…he’s saying he saw Uday on the lower deck” said Namrata.

For a change: Reviewing Delhi Belly

After a long five month’s itch, I finally watched a Hindi Cinema in theatres. And technically this too wasn’t Hindi either although it had some of the best Hindi words spoken by Vijay Raaz in parts.

Delhi Belly is not at all a Bollywood movie. Right from its narration, script and even dialogues, it follows a route that Bollywood movies generally don’t. For an example, the director who wanted to show apathy of the three boys, didn’t resort to Emotional situations, Heavy dialogues or pathetic, ear-banging sad songs rather he chose to show running taps, cockroaches on pizza and an old radio playing one of the sad classics of K.L. Saigal (which is remixed in a different genre here).

Delhi Belly is whacky, unapologetically gross and is full of some smartly scripted shit.

In many ways, the movie’s a brave foot forward. Think of a chocolate boy Imran Khan doing an absolutely underplayed de-glam role unlike his normal rom-com, candy floss movies. Think of a concept such as pocket full of diamonds getting switched with a bottle of stool-sample, and you’ll get to know what Delhi Belly is all about- original and bold.

So you have Imran Khan, Vir Das and Kunal Roy Kapoor having their different set of woes. While Imran has a boring job, a fast approaching marriage date, a colleague who wants to fall in love with him while he’s in a relationship, that colleague’s possessive ex-husband, fast approaching rent-payment date etc. etc, Vir Das has a bad job (an absolutely hilarious Boss! Watch out as the boss shrieks “Hain”) and a girlfriend who dumps him but it’s the third guy whose problems make this movie what it is. Kunal Roy Kapoor and his stomach problems are just too good. Watch out the scene where he uses Vir Das’s Suntra juice for some awesomely shitty purpose. Add to this mayhem is a gangster played by Vijay Raaz who was to be delivered the diamonds but instead receives stool-sample of Kunal Roy Kapoor. And there’s an even better cameo from Aamir Khan whose rendition of a Disco-fighter which debatably is a tribute/insult to yesteryear’s Mithun Chakroborthy’s Disco Dancer. 

But who cares! Finally, what you get is an entertaining comedy film which expects the viewers to be mature and not frown on hearing cuss words.

Technically, the movie is short and has no interval. It’s fast paced with jokes floating around every single minute and I never found a dull moment although there were many yuck moments. It has an above average cinematography but the real winner for this movie is its script, it’s hard to tickle the funny bone of crowds in India when you know you’ve taken a forbidden route. The script is tight, supported aptly by some smart writing (it’s very real… it’s unlike normal over-the-top Bollywood comedies… the situations seem genuinely real and at the same time quite fictional). It boast of one of the most-talked about music of this year with songs like DK Bose, Jaa Chudail, I hate u, Nakkadwale Disco, Switty…woof… haven’t heard of an album this year with so many hits. Performance-wise Imran Khan underplays his character to the hilt, Vir Das is awesome as a second lead (just love the transitions of his character from fluffy hair to bald to a man with coarse voice…loved his dialogues after his throat gets fucked up.)  Kunal Roy Kapoor is comfortable with the usage of English, he’s natural and brings the required energy into the proceedings. Both the women are aptly cast. But for some reasons, the take-aways from the movie are mostly the scenes of Kunal Roy Kapoor & Vijay Raaz and his foolish gang. The most memorable being the ceiling falling on the gang’s head!

All and all as I updated earlier on my fb status Delhi Belly is as pure and unabashed as a fart bomb! Go experience this shit. And if you don’t, then well keep on enjoying shit stuff like Ready, Thank you etc etc...

Rating- 4/5

Chapter 2 Preview

Chapter 2: What Happened on the Alibag trip?

When one’s mind is filled up to the brim with heady concoctions blanking ones vision that one starts feeling dizzy, perhaps than the most certain thing that may occur is that one would overlook something which is very natural and almost too easy. One believes that a complex problem can’t have such a simple solution. It was the same thing that seemed to be happening with Nikhar. He was perhaps thinking too much. But that’s almost too certain, isn’t it? What would you do when you found that your good friend is dead and is lying in front of you on a boat in the middle of the sea?

As the boat trudged its way towards the Gateway of India, the monument which gave the feeling of grandeur now inflicted eerie frustration due to the sea of people who never had anything better than just gazing at any slightest bit of exciting thing happening around.

As the boat was anchored, Nikhar was caught in a dilemma about what to do with Shray’s body. He tried to check his own pockets to find some clue of what had happened last night. To his anxiety, he found his cell phone. (This generation resorts to Mobile Phones when in dilemma more than anything). He pushed the start button. And as soon as the two hands in Nokia phone met, the screen urgently showed ‘No battery’ sign and shut itself down.

Perhaps the first thing that he recollected was that there was anyways no balance in his cell phone. No matter what, even if it be the worst tsunami, Nikhar wouldn’t forget a damn thing about money. 

Anyways… what to do of the body? So he thought to throw it away in the sea itself at first but that would be too bad, wouldn’t it? And if he really wanted to find out the truth, he must bring the body back to the shore so that the fancy things at the forensic department can get the truth out of Shray’s dead body.

But before he could do that, a severe headache stressed his head. And in the burning mist of his headache he could see flashes of images from the last night… And he exclaimed! Oh god!

And in his visions he saw things- drunk Shray Desai, frightened Rohan Patel, flirting Pranav, sad Abbas, angry Shubhankit and… under the crescent moon someone pulling out a knife from the overcoat his face not visible in the darkness and the shrill cry of pain…murder…

Episode 8: Of Seagulls chatter and DEATH!!

Once on they all reached the upper deck, most of them took their seats closer to the edges where they could see the boat departing away from Gateway of India, the beauty of the sea and yes… the playful seagulls. 

So there is a saying in Bombay regarding the early morning chatter of these seagulls. Flying just above the sea-water and touching the water with their feet creating a stream of water which looked like someone opening an envelope with a seizer or a little boy making a scratch on a car, Seagulls spoke of the customers on the ferries. They hovered around the Gateway in order to keep an eye on the customers entering the ferries. Once these customers entered the ferries, they chased the ferries and flew with them and posed for the shutterbugs. But the main part of their chatter was after all that. It was more of a verbal joust. As the exhilarated customers threw pieces of buiscuits at them, Seagulls entertained them by catching them and eating it, but more than that their chatter was to guide each other as the more promising customers who were good at throwing and had good enough food with them. And as they navigated around the customers who would gasp in awe each time the seagulls came closer to them, they devoured their morning breakfast. While some of those seagulls bullied the novice ones who even though had caught the biscuits but were snatched from by the bully seagulls. Marian was enjoying all this! (But in the interim she had thrown almost the entire ruffle’s Lays packet of his husband!). So, was Ketaki! While seagulls laughed in their language at both the ladies saying “seems like they are new to all this” and tried to scare them once or twice by trying to snatch the biscuits and Lays from the ladies.

While all this was happening, Pranay took out his guitar and strummed some beautiful patterns and all of them started flooding Pranay with requests to play their favorite songs. But as usual Pranay went on playing his set of favorite songs.

And it was all pleasant then!

An entire group singing tunes of merriment in chorus, an occasional dance by the ladies in the group, occasional nudges on the shoulders, the excitement etc. But that’s the beauty of life isn’t it? Even after everyone in the group hated atleast one person from the group they all were together enjoying.

As their songs finished Marian started applauding them. Could she ask for anything more? First time out of their boring house with Farooq and she got to see it all… the morning sun, the seagulls flight and now a lively and buzzing bunch of friends singing songs of merriment but wait a second…

Did she just see something awkward as well?

Perhaps it was yet again Nikhar who observed that from the fifty seats of the upper-deck only 48 were occupied. 2 of them who should have been on the upper-deck were not there. Where were they? And more importantly who were they?

2 days later…

His eyes opened slowly. At first everything was hazy. He felt as if he was lying in a hut… but then suddenly he felt the hut was dangling and realized that it wasn’t a hut it was rather a boat. And to his surprise he was NOT the only one lying on that boat in the middle of the sea.

In front of him lay another person who’s back pointed towards him, with mighty effort he rolled that person to see his face. Good lord! It was Shray Desai! As he took some water to wake him up… but to no avail, and then he checked Shray’s nerves.

Needless to say, Shray was dead.

And the person checking his nerves was none other than Nikhar Oza. But what the hell had happened? Why can’t he remember anything? Moreover what was he doing in that god-forsaken boat along with Shray? Did he kill Shray? Oh…god! What had he done!

By the way where were all the others?  

ANY GUESSES HOW HE DIED????

End of Chapter 1

Episode 7: The Last of the Introductions

Episode 7: The last of the introductions... bringing to you the last few Culprits of the Alibaug Trip.

A proper sandwich bag, along with two bottles of buttermilk inside was first of the many things that Nikhar noticed about that strange looking couple. It looked to him that the lady well past her prime had decorated herself profusely and was rather just over trying just like Shray Desai. On the other hand the male was wearing shorts and a swollen expression on his face. Nikhar felt as if his wife had forcefully told him to wear shorts. He didn’t seem at all interested in her wife’s blabbering. But from the blabbering, Nikhar could make out that this was a Parsi couple. While Nikhar, Onkar and few others were engaged in buying tickets, there were others in the group who were busy playing donkey and the monkey with Ketaki in the middle trying to capture the ball moving away from her. She enjoyed herself being the perfect folly. Technically, they were only fifteen. Some 10 odd high-headed friends hadn’t yet come including Pranay Mathur.

But then they arrived. Pranay Mathur got off the cab with painstakingly carrying a guitar on his back and along with him came Pranav Kulshreshtha, Rohan Patel and Namrata Panwar but he couldn’t see Uday Mittal with them. So apparently he was not coming for the party (But why?).

The pen of the author of this post tries desperately to write something good about the boy named Rohan Patel. But every time it tries to do so, it fails. Rohan Patel was an ostensibly irritating human being whose existence on the planet was considered to be bad for all living animals. He was that poisonous gas if sprinkled on vegetables or flowers they would go foul immediately. He was pathetically slow while walking. He had an awkward attitude of being a supreme person who could never do anything wrong, wore almost the weirdest color combination and to top it all always carried an expression of a swollen pig. And if that wasn’t enough he would try cracking PJs (remind you PJs here mean Patel Jokes) which never tickled anybody’s funny bone.

Pranav Kulshreshtha was an effortless good-looker (hahahaha! Some of his friends will disagree, as they have seen him standing in front of the mirror day long to find the best possible pose). He also thought himself to be bad and brash and thought that nobody in this world could be as mean as him. He liked no bullshitting around and was a man who desparately wanted to be in love and have a girlfriend. So gay was this group that they had created for him a jingle which went something like this, “Karle karle karle… Pyaar karle… Body!”

Yeah! Body was his pet name! He had a nicely chiseled body which he flaunted just like Malika Sherawat flaunted her assets.

Coming back to the point, the tickets were bought at the counter and everybody headed to the Catamaran which would take them to Alibag.

And along went the Sethnas! Marian exclaimed looking at the Gateway of India, ”Ah…always read in the stories! But never quite imagined that it would be so beautiful…you know Farooq? Pappa brought me here when I was a kid… We would come here and see the seagulls eating whatever being thrown at them and enjoy the sunrise with a paper-cup of coffee and chanaa.” She went on and on while the pumpkin husband was busy chomping through ruffle’s Lays.

The Sethnas along with the group of friends had bought tickets of the upper deck of the catamaran, as Shray Desai took it upon himself to guide the crowd upwards and help the old Marian set foot on the anchored but dangling Shahjahan-Catamaran. Beside Shray the actual coordinator of the catamaran (he was actually happy that somebody was so willingly doing his work) diverted his mind into counting the number of seats that were occupied of the upper deck. As Nikhar jumped on board behind Marian Sethna mocking Shray for his over-trying leadership, he heard the coordinator mumble 50 tickets. 

Episode 6: Before boarding the Shahjahan!

At 7 am in the morning, Nikhar got off from the Taxi and headed towards the grandeur of Gateway of India. He always thought that it wasn’t the monument alone but the emphatically beautiful surroundings that made that place extra little special.

On the corner he saw his friends Satya Ranjan, Shray Desai and Aaditya Jaju. All of the three no matter what time of the day it may be, had their throats burning and aching in pain i.e. they always needed a cigarette. Meet them whenever, wherever the first thing that they would cry for is “talap lagi hai yaar!” and the others were there too.

To speak of the others there were Satya Ranjan’s and Aaditya’s girlfriends Richika and Deepali… Oh! Sorry…Deepali and Richika respectively. Richika was an ordinary emotional girl with a strange Punjabi accent. Strange not to her and for people like her in her provinces but to people like Nikhar whose lives prior to the graduation college had been so constrained that he used to think that there are only four languages English, Gujarati and Marathi and some alien languages like the one that they speak in China. But Richika was a fun-loving, hard-hitting girlfriend, as the only picture that conjured up in the mind of was the slap happy relationship that Aaditya- Richika had. No matter good or bad they kept on slapping each other, funny, odd but lovely couple. On one hand you had Aaditya- a true addict of everything (Work, Girlfriend, Games, Music, Daaru, Sutta) who also seemingly had a weird habit of biting the sleeves of his t-shirt when he was thinking intently, while Richika who couldn’t be an addict of anything (if she were to then she wouldn’t exist, that paper-thin was she! So was Aditya! Curious isn’t it? Everyone in this group is either a dwarf or a victim of malnutrition) else but his man.  

On the other hand Nikhar knew fairly little less about Satya and Deepali. They were essentially Shubhankit’s friends. But the little that Nikhar had known of Satya Ranjan, he seemed to him more cynical than any other he had ever met. He said nothing till everybody had spoken and then would specifically choose a person whose case he wished to take and he did that every time effortlessly; whereas Deepali, to Nikhar looked a rather frail and a well-protected princess of Satya Ranjan.

This sadist prince and the frail princess also had a deputy- Vaibhav Chaudry. He had many pet names, the famous ones being Babba and Randsa. He was a jovial deputy and an affable person, funny at times but largely an underdog. But then there were other dark secrets clouding him as well. His relationship with Shubhankit had been the talk of town. Some considered them to be an item. Some enthusiastic friends had given a combined pet name R ON D to them. Now what that meant remains a mystery as Babba and Shubhankit always shrug off people’s queries regarding their link-up.

The only thing that Nikhar thought of seeing all those people was that, ‘Damn it! How is it that chain smokers get girlfriends and clean-virgins like him don’t?’But then there were exceptions as well- Shray Desai and Onkar Jotkar. Ofcourse there were different reasons that they didn’t have girlfriends.

Onkar was a smart chap who hardly ever cared about things other than Liverpool, the daily dose of suttas and Cricket, so had never cared to woo girls, not that he couldn’t. Had he ever tried he had the best sense of humor of the lot. But that’s the whole point of it- he never tried.

On the other hand, Shray Desai was a born leader (that’s what he thought). But then there’s a leader’s curse as well. He was more of a boaster. The most prevalent piece of his boasting was the piece of qualification attached to every mail that he sent, which went like this- Shray Desai, Head of this (Largely some shitty committee in the college!), Head of that, CEO of some company (Logics…Oh sorry! Logyx! Yeah!! Ain’t that cool?), Phone numbers (filthy try Shray! as if expecting a chick to call on that number). So that classified him as an over-Trier. But none the less he was popular amongst girls. 

Talking of girls brings us to Ketaki Rastogi who had arrived to Gateway of India in her full excitement. She was wearing Pink shorts and a black tee. But that doesn’t mean that you readers should expect some bold blonde looking absolutely hot in the shorts! Instead when thinking of Ketaki try and picturize somebody full of excitement, way to tiny (you can imagine her as a dwarf in front of Aamir Khan!), always ready for a meal and having a mesh of wiring like curly hair. Unlike other human beings who happily lived on earth, Ketaki always roamed and frolicked around in her personal world like a free bird. She was absolutely lost in front of so many people with purpose and that’s why Nikhar considered her safe, because unlike others who thought that they were there to take a birthday party from Nikhar, Shubhankit, Abbas and Arpit, Ketaki thought that she was there to enjoy herself no matter whatever is going on.

And what can the author write about Arpit? He was a person who had reached Nirvana. He was not a normal human being. He was believed to be by the people the most sacred person, someone who had seen God. He talked Philosophy like the back of his hand. He preached God as if he was the head of marketing department in the heaven. But the crux of Arpit, Nikhar thought was similar to his- a middle class boy, shoulders of responsibility. Personally Nikhar found solace in Arpit.

And then there were many others who were standing in queue buying ferry tickets to Alibag. So a huffing and puffing Onkar came up to Nikhar and asked,”100 bucks for the ferry dude.” And the miser counted in his wallet 100 down, more X to go (Can’t reveal the amount). As he gave the money Onkar asked,” By the way, who’s financing for the ferry?”

It was then that everything began when Nikhar said that the ferry charges were not his liability. Well say whatever, a tinge of misery was definitely hidden behind that statement. 

Episode 5: Of a tale(marriage) full of sorrows

On either side you had a pathetically boring husband who would get angry at every little thing and an absolutely innocent, foolish wife who always thought that the angry husband liked him. Of course like a rare sun in Cherapunjee, there were those dinners, movie, and delicious homemade food (and sex), but in the midst of it all there was only a shadow of love. They were just ten when they were married and the year was 1960. It had been 40 years since then, still they had no child. The Parsis in the provinces murmured that Farooq hated the idea of having kids.

But the truth was known by those two only. Farooq was incapable of producing Kids. A bigger disappointment! It was shivering to even think of an aloof Marian living away from everybody sitting in the house all day and waiting for the late night abuses from an equally frustrated husband.

But they had their share of luxuries. Farooq was an engineer and had gone on to become quite wealthy. Thus Marian remained to be the only beneficiary of the pleasures that his reaches brought.

But cherishing it alone too was painstaking. Other than Farooq, Marian knew of only her servant Mithali who was 20 years younger and more beautiful than a normal servant could be. The girls enjoyed their private pleasures.

Mithali used to take Marian out of her palatial bungalow and let her take in fresh air of the world. She was the one who first introduced Marian to new things like Mobile phone, color TVs and walkman. She used to take Marian out for movies of Amitabh Bachchan, Melas on Marine drive and sometimes even at wine shops.

Then one day she took Marian out for Mela and introduced her to her fiancée- Jaykishan. Marian then was very happy for Mithali momentarily but then realized that she would lose out on the only remaining friend.

But call it a reversal of fate or good-luck of Marian that Mithali stayed!

Apparently after her marriage, Jaykishan died the next day in a car accident. Mithali was a battered widow then in pain and anguish of losing his love. But Marian was kind and accepted Mithali to live with her.

This resulted in angering of Farooq who didn’t allow at first of Mithali living in his house but later understood the loneliness of his wife.

So, Mithali stayed!

But even then, Mithali being around didn’t change much of the husband-wife equation. It only delayed the worse. Thus after years of trying, Marian made herself firm and tried to give herself a final go and asked her husband to devote sometime on mending the relationship which had remained sluggish.

The Alibag trip was the first time ever they went out of Valkeshwar together. Last time when they both had been out she remembered was for his humpty-dumpty’s digestion problems to visit a doctor.  

It was just a one day picnic to Alibag but Marian had prepared for it for a long while. And at the age of 50, standing in the queue with chirpy little youngster who seemed to have come for some of their friends’ birthday celebration, they both looked rather an odd couple going out on a trip to Alibag. 

Episode 4: Of a Parsi Massacre

Episode 4: Of a Parsi Massacre

The renaissance of Rahim Khan was momentary. As he and his daughter took rebirth below a Parsi shelter, the clouds of despair circled above that Parsi abode. Not a day longer had Rahim’s ear gone mad hearing a confused Gujarati or should one say confused English, did the Muslims in his provinces find out that he had been adopted by a Parsi. The only fact that weighed in his favor was that Parsi provinces are enclosed chambers where they boast of terrific unity just like Muslims.

Karl Sethna’s residence unlike his workplace was a place hidden. So, it took an entire clan of Muslims beating up Karl, burning his Bawa’s shack (and destroying the humble refrigerator) to get the information on the location but Karl was a tough man and it didn’t dither him from protecting the will of his Muslim friend to stay in India. He was bruised and hospitalized. But in that pain Karl felt a strange happiness that he kept his residence a secret. He thought that all the angst that the Muslims had against Rahim would suffice in the damages to his shack and his bruises, but he was unaware that to search for Kafirs and to punish them had become their daily chores. Hindus too were lurking in the shadows of Bombay’s tender night in a hope that if Muslims should fail to find Rahim, they would find him somehow and kick him out. So you get the whole point! Muslims and Hindus fight for lame issues (In this case both parties are doing the same… then why violence?)

People knew that the Parsis live in Valkeshwar but they had no ideas so as to where Karl lived.

Apparently, Karl also used to be good at typewriter and worked for a wealthy man Mr.Amarnath at Embassy. Karl was poor with no steady shelter over his head and thus lived on the mercy of Mr.Amarnath.

Mr. Amarnath had a sea-facing Bungalow in Valkeshwar. And it was some feet above the ground level. There used to be an old storage place below the bungalow which was sea-facing and perhaps suffered a lot when high tides would come. So he had removed all his belongings from that place and shifted it elsewhere. Once it was empty, he offered Karl and his family to live in that place. Thus Karl lived in a tiny sea-facing storage place with his wife and Marian. The Sethnas had than grown accustomed to times and tides anyways. So, if a hungry tide came to gobble them up, they knew it beforehand and would find their shelter above somewhere in the bungalow’s cellar.

But the point was that only some Parsis living in Valkeshwar knew of that place.

And only a Parsi could have led the Muslims to his place on that fateful night.

It was that one fateful night which set the course to Alibag…

On that fateful night when only a Parsi could have betrayed another Parsi and revealed his residence, Karl was sleeping in the hospital.

Apparently, the Muslims were so pissed off with the hide and seek games of Rahim Khan that they burnt him alive and raped his daughter. Needless to say that Karl’s wife was also killed when she tried to save her family. But a whisker of hope shined when he heard that Marian was missing.

Later they found out that Marian was on the beach collecting precious little sea-shells while the massacre happened.  Karl was relieved at seeing the innocent eyes of his daughter which were filled with tears of blood.

But by that time he had absolutely lost trust over his fellow Parsis.

Now to cut the long story short according to the traditional Parsi customs, a Parsi should marry a Parsi. But who to give Marian to, when Karl didn’t trust anyone?

So Karl decided to marry his own daughter to his sister’s son Farooq- A decision which had planted its seeds since Marian’s childhood. Karl died after their marriage and his death was the final nail into the nuptial’s marriage (coffin). And then onwards began a tale/marriage full of sorrows.